Funny Murphy's Laws you've not been taught!

1. Law of equality :
The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal u in 5 min!
2. Law of Queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
3. Law of Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.
4. Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
5. Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
6. Bath Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
7. Law of Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8. Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
9. Law of Bio mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10. Theatre Rule:
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last.
11. Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
12. Law of Proposal :
After u accept a proposal you will get a better one.

Lesson For Everyone

A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner. Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers. Others diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son who was not at all embarrassed, quietly took him to the wash room, wiped the food particles, removed the stains, combed his hair and fitted his spectacles firmly. When they came out, the entire restaurant was watching them in dead silence, not able to grasp how someone could embarrass themselves publicly like that.
The son settled the bill and started walking out with his father.
At that time, an old man amongst the diners called out to the son and asked him, "Don't you think you have left something behind?".
The son replied, "No sir, I haven't".
The old man retorted, "Yes, you have! You left a lesson for every son and hope for every father

15 things every woman has done on a date!

Going on a date is a trying experience for everyone. There are nerves on both sides of the table and everyone trying to figure out how to make a good impression. For women there are few things that are always bound to happen at some point on a date.
They want him to like them and have this idealized view of how a good date should be. Here are 15 things that women have done on at least one date.
1) Agonize Over the Menu
So for men looking at the menu probably consists of finding what looks good and ordering it. For us it’s no doubt that every menu option is analyzed. Is that one too expensive?
If I order that cheeseburger with extra bacon and grilled cheese sandwiches instead of bread is he going to think I’m a pig?
Maybe I’ll just order a salad…but then I’ll be hungry later, and I know he’ll notice if I order three slices of chocolate cake for dessert, you know to share.
2) Try and Be Stylish
On dates we look completely different than the way we do at home.
If 90% of our wardrobe is jeans and Family Guy T-Shirts, we’re going to wear our one fashionable outfit or go shopping for at least the first date.
We’ll go to that makeup store in the mall and get tips on how to actually apply that stuff with the brush and look our best. Even for women who are typically stylish there’s a desire to do just a little bit better for a date.
3) Worry About What to Say
For some dates the comfort and ease of conversation comes easy. But for others there is a thin line between what to say and what topics are off limits.
We all know not to talk about exes or sob stories and yet is it too much to reveal your boy band obsession or the fact that you own 8 cats?
Will he find my job boring or does he think I talk too much?
4)Look For Clues
If it’s still early in the relationship we’re judging everything, even if we told ourselves we’re going to keep an open mind this time we’re looking for things to judge. Did he wash his hair? Does he talk nicely about his family?
Did he talk too much about his mother? We want someone we’re compatible with and won’t give us more drama than we need, so at least once we’ve all hunted for some clues to our date’s personality.
5) Try to Avoid Silence
Silence is awkward, it’s almost as awkward as talking about your ex-boyfriend’s prowess in bed in order to fill the silence.
On dates it always feels like everyone around you is talking and having a great time and then we’re sitting in silence, makes the date feel like a failure.
So we try and fill that silence, sometimes with things that make the silence infinitely better by comparison.
6)Look for the Spark
I blame Disney for this one. We all want to feel it and we want to feel it often. That giddy little feeling in the pit of our stomach that lets us know this is still going good.
So on every date we look for moments when that little feeling should appear or we try to create extra romantic moments for it to appear.
If its date four and that feeling still hasn’t shown up then we know it’s probably not going to.
7) Update Their Friends
Okay so yes using the phone at the dinner table is rude, or during drinks or really during any part of the date. But if you need a way out or you just need to tell them how great it’s going or to vent, updating the friends has happened.
Although the least obvious is to use the bathroom excuse and then do it there so you’re not sitting at the table staring at your phone instead of him.
8)Fidget
Yep whether it’s nerves or the fact that we really think that flipping our hair back ten times during the same conversation makes us look confident and sexy, we all fidget.
The more nerves about the date the more fidgeting. If we really like the guy then we pull out all the stops to get rid of the nervous energy and end up looking like we’re being shocked every two minutes.
9)Bail
So it’s going bad, really bad. So bad that you’re pretty such Godzilla charging down the street would be a vast improvement. So we’ve all done it, come up with the “Oh no my friend’s boyfriend just broke up with her, she needs me.”
Or the “My grandmother fell down the stairs”. Or for those of us without fear of hurting his feelings “Look I’m just gonna go now.”
10)Stare
Well we don’t mean to stare. We’re just trying to be polite and maintain eye contact..but then our mind wanders or we’re nervous and end up staring with an expression that looks like we ran into a frying pan.
11)Smile
We smile. We smile when we’re looking for the nearest exit. We smile when we’re really thinking whoever we are with really just insane and we smile when we’re having a good time.
If there’s anything we have done on a date in spades, its smile.
12)Try and Weed Out DealBreakers
We all have deal breakers, things we will automatically stop the relationship if any of these are present. Sure there’s the biggies of drugs and abuse, but then there’s the fact that he thinks the men of Duck Dynasty should be canonized or that he uses Star Trek quotes in every conversation.
So we always try and plant a few obvious but still obscure questions or tricks to try and see if any of those deal breakers are there.
13)Try and Sound Smarter
It never fails we’re on a date with a guy we really like or a guy who has seventeen doctorates and you just want to leave a good impression.
But then we start saying things like Turkey is next to Madagascar and that the square root of 847 is really five, just because we’re trying to talk out of our comfort zone to sound smarter.
Next time we’ll stick to whatever Jon Stewart talked about last night.
14)Arrive Late
The truth is as women we don’t always arrive late because we’re trying to be fashionable or act like our time is more valuable.
Nope it’s because we’re scattered brained, indecisive and can’t figure out which way is up because we have so much on our minds.
Therefore after 30 wardrobe changes, traffic and missing the turn we’ve arrived late for more than one date.
15)Worn Something Uncomfortable
Whether it’s those high heels that cause blisters, the bra with the slightly exposed underwire or the itchy blouse that you can’t actually get out of by yourself, we’ve all worn something uncomfortable on a date.
Then we inevitably spend the entire date trying to feel less uncomfortable and still enjoy the date. It rarely works out in our favor.

9 TYPE OF PEOPLE YOU MEET AT THE ATM MACHINE QUEUE!

Have you gone to withdraw money from the ATM and jam a queue containing one or more of these characters.
1 MR. MIRACLE: This one has 380.36 in his account yet he slots in his card at least five times to withdraw 5K, hoping for a miracle. He doesn’t leave the ATM until he is certain ‘insufficient funds’ is spelt correctly. I met one like that last month. He kept reinserting his card and on a closer inspection, I found out he was trying to withdraw N400!
2 MR. GRUMPY: This one is fond of picking quarrels with the ATM. Even though the machine keeps reading his pin is incorrect or his card has expired, he keeps swearing. Often times, he reports the ATM to the next person on the queue. Like we care!
3 MR. METICULOUS: This is that guy that adds stew to his jollof rice. He is the annoying guy dude counts and confirms every single note of his money before exiting for the next person as if he can beat up the ATM if N20 is missing. Nigerians and their trust issues though.
4 MR. CHIEF/MR. THIEF: This one acts as if the world is ending. He is on a mission to drain the ATM. You think he wants to withdraw his whole life savings. He is either a wealthy person or one of those scammers that stole someone’s debit card. At a point, the 2K people like us starts begging him not to finish all the cash in the ATM.
5 ATM CLASS PREFECT:  This impatient guy on the queue is usually the last to arrive but assumes anybody that spends more than five seconds at the ATM is an illiterate. He moves from the beginning of the extreme, grumbling and hastening everyone. If you spend more than 5 seconds, he’ll walk up to you and offer to help you operate the ATM even when you are not an illiterate.
6 MR. TRUST ISSUES:  The old man that feels everyone on the queue is a thief on a mission to memorise his ATM pin. He positions himself in a way that his entire body completely covers the ATM. He never fails to curse anyone that comes five metres close to him.
7 MRS. CLUELESS:  This is that old woman that has been practising how to use an ATM for the past 5 years. If you take a closer look at what she’s doing, you would discover each time the machine reads “Would you like to continue, Yes or No”, she smiles and does nothing.
8 MR. UNEMPLOYED: He has no money to withdraw but he joins the queue with four of his ATM card with the intention of checking their various balance. He eventually recharges N100 with quickteller and walks away with his head held high.
9 MR. QUESTIONER:  This one is always asking questions. He doesn’t care if you came to use the ATM or not! He’s always asking, “Is it paying?”, “Which bank are you using?” “Have you withdrawn?”
Have you met any of the above before? Who among them do you dread to meet?
Source: nairaland.com

Your weakness can be your greatest strength!

This is the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training, the master had taught him only one move.
'Master,' the boy finally said, 'Shouldn't I be learning more moves?'
'This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know,' the Master replied.
Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the Master took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a
time-out. He was about to stop the match when the Master intervened.
'No,' the Master insisted, 'Let him continue.'
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake; He dropped his guard and instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and the Master reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
'Master, how did I win the tournament with only one move?'
'You won for two reasons,' the Master answered. 'First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defence for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.'
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

STRESS AND A GLASS OF WATER

A Psychologist walked around a room while
teaching Stress Management to an audience.
As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "Half empty or Half full" question.
Instead, with a smile on her face, she
inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed.
In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, But The longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.
She continued,
"The Stresses and Worries in Life , are like that Glass of Water...
Think about them for a while and nothing
happens.
Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt.
And
If you think about them all day long,
you will feel paralysed – incapable of doing
anything."
Phil 4:6 do not be anxious about anything but in every situation by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God
Remember to put the glass down and pray. You have a loving father who loves you. And after Prayer please do not pick the glass up. Leave it at the feet of Jesus. He is more than able, nothing is impossible for Him to do.
Hello,Do not let anything or anyone steal your joy...nothing's worth it. Stay blessed!

5 Motivating Thoughts to Start Your Week

The way you begin your Monday can set the tone for the whole week. You want to wake up without hitting "snooze", make a nutritious breakfast smoothie in your personal blender, get a quick workout in and put your mind in a positive place. Try thinking about these five motivational concepts before you head off to work this week.
1. Who can I help today? 
Many people approach their workday with the attitude that they have to "get it over with." But "The Buddha Walks Into the Office" author Lodro Rinzler​ advises people to get rid of these negative ideas and instead think about more personal relationship goals. Rather than watching the clock, focus on helping your fellow coworkers - you may not enjoy your job, but you'll appreciate helping someone else, even with simple tasks.
2. I'm going to have a productive meeting today
Inc. magazine recommended employees schedule productive meetings in the morning as often as possible. A meeting that can help you or your project to move forward and succeed won't just fill you with hope, but can help motivate and energize you from the moment you get out of bed.
3. What are my goals for the week?
Setting and visualizing achievable goals each day is the perfect way to motivate yourself to be productive. On Monday morning, think about what you'd like to accomplish that day and throughout the week both at work and for yourself. Think about or write down actionable steps to get you from visualization to completion, then begin to execute your plan.
4. I don't have to be caught in a routine 
Switch up your commute, your work day schedule or your evening activities to give yourself a break from routine. Although it can be comforting to do the same things each day, you're likely to learn more and experience new things by broadening your horizons, even if that just means walking a different way home from work.
5. I'm excited about something
Whether you're having trouble getting motivated about school, work or other aspects of your weekly schedule, there's no better motivator than taking a minute to think about something you're excited for in the future. Whether it's a new movie coming out, dinner with someone special, a holiday or a trip, when you find yourself feeling dejected, visualize what you're excited for and move forward.
SOURCE:  http://www.oster.com/blog/archive/2014/october/5-motivating-thoughts-to-start-your-week.html

Help me be a better friend!

I woke up this morning Thinking of how to be a better friend and I do think as my mind told me that you as my friend will help me be a better friend by telling me your church mind about me. Please do take out time to answer these few questions about me and I promise to put into work all that will not change the Henry in me. 1. What do you hate most about my character? 2. How have I been a bad friend? 3. What do you think will make you quit being my friend? 4. What do you like about me? 5. What do you see as a trait to our friendship? 6. What else do you want to say about our friendship? Leave your answers as a comment on this link and I will do all I can to be a better friend before the end of 2015 first half(June 30).