JOKES ON WOMEN! Pls don't laff much

DIFFERENCE IN WOMEN AGE.
What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38,
48, 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a
story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to
bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At
48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

DEVIL HERSELF!

A fellow's wife was very worried about her husband's
heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a
fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went
down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband
was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his
way home from the pub. It was not long before he came
staggering along, and out she jumped from behind a
headstone. "Ooooooo!" she wailed, "I am the Devil!" He
sticks out his hand..."Put it there, pal," he says, "I am
married to your sister."

CHANGE OF VOWS!

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the
pastor with anunusual offer."Look, I'll give you $100 if
you'll change the wedding vows. When youget to me and
the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and
obey'and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,'
I'd appreciateit if you'd just leave that part out." He
passed the minister a $100bill and walked away
satisfied.It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride
and groom have moved tothat part of the ceremony
where the vows are exchanged. When it comestime for
the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the
eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself
before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her
breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear
eternally before God and your lovely wife that you willnot
ever even look at another woman, as long as you both
shall live?"The groom gulped and looked around, and
said in a tiny voice, "I do."Then, he leaned toward the
pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."The pastor
put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She
mademe a much better offer."

A Lawyer's Question

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly
woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do
you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you
cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising
big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do
he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams,
do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for
his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment
to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem.
The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire
state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence
and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet
voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if
she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5
minutes!"